Friday, December 23, 2011

that's how it ends.just be grateful ceya!

Oh, the last class had ended yesterday.
I cried. I cried terribly until the late evening.
I tried my hard not to cry in front of others, all time, 
since my school days. not even front of my parents.
But I shed buckets of tears yesterday.
Yes of course, one of the reason is the 'perpisahan' between us (the class member).
Eyusaaa made a video specially dedicated to the class, 
but again I am not crying because the video that time,
as I am the first person to watch it two days before the preview day.
But I started crying when the video is showing, 
because my tears are more on what happened between us as a class.

Lots had happened. It's five semesters, almost 3 years memories.
Some of you, we are close at first, but at the end we seems like are not.
Some of you, pretend to be close with me, but talk bad about me behind.
Some of you, I  feel dekat and the love, tapi sayang dah nak habis semester.
Some of you, I feel so hard to berpisah with, but this is how a pertemuan ends.

When we are attracted, we start to repel each other. May I know why?
Did I do something bad? Did I ever said something hurts you? 
do something bleeds your heart?
Then,  you guys? 
never hurt me? never do or say anything bleeds me? 
The fact is, I am nothing and nobody. 
I have no bling-bling features like you guys do. 
I have quite dark skin, I am so skinny,
having a short-sightedness, not so bubbly,
 not so friendly until you start it,
not a caring showing person, I can't drive guys! 
I don't even marry a  Dato' or any Tan Sri,
 I am just lead a simple and moderate life, 
I am not a comel-comel type and 
I am not so creative like you guys do, 
I lack of confidence and many more. 
So why we can't be friends?
 Is it because of those weaknesses I have?

I tried my best to be as matured as I can.
 I am just 19 years old when we were first year, 
by mingle with almost 'matured' course mates, 
I have to be a women not a girl anymore. 
I always believe that 'big strong girl don't cry'.
So, I have try to handle my feelings, attitude and many more 
just to show that I can tolerate with you guys.
 I have to pretend and  forced 
my heart and brain to act like nothing happen and be sabar. 
I admit, I might do lots of mistakes that may hurt you guys,
so here is my apology, 
I am so so so sorry for what I have done to you guys, to every each of you.
You know I am not perfect, and for every single little thing that hurts you, 
which I might not realise,
 please forgive me :(
I can't say sorry face to face, as I might cry again.

Its time to go. I chose to run away from you guys.
I love broadcast journalism, will always love it.
but, cinta tak semestinya memiliki,
so, I guess the south will be the best place for me.
All the best for those in the industry lines,
I will always proud of you guys. :)

I am just a very simple girl. 
All I need is just sincerity and purity in our friendship. 
No politics please?
I love you guys. seriously. Everyone of you. 
Btw, pardon my english and grammar.I'm tried. :)

Salam perpisahan.

p/s - Thank you awak, for taking me away last evening, I even cried few times in the car. Thank you too by taking me to the clinic last night. You know I need you right?
 love love love you awak! ;)


huda zehra said...

im not a perfect to..(sambil baca ni smbil nges)!
im sory if ada terslh ckp silap n sumenyer dgn anda wahai adik...sory sgt2...if sy x dpt jd kwn yg baik utk kamu slme 2 thn stgh kita apa yg buat sy tersentuh bila kamu sgt memahami sy ble ssh dan sng..tqso much coz ada dgn sy! sumenyer kita lalui bsme..btol kate kamu...cinta x semestinya memiliki..yup! i cant imagine bila awk kite akan rindu awk sgt2.!!!!really miss u...

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